Tuesday, July 20, 2010

This is my blog and I'll bitch if I want to!

I'm okay, but it was hard to getting over the feeling to punch this guy dead in the face. now mind you, i am not prone to violence nor have i ever punched someone in the face. but you would think after thirty seven years he would get how much he hurt me when we were 16. i know it was a long time ago, but what happened to me affected my entire life and how i view relationships, and at the time, led me to marry the "village idiot" - since i thought no one else would ask. all based on several incidents similar to this one. but this was the pinnacle of racism levied by a young mans' father. he, not the one i married, went on with his life, a really good life with wife, kids, career. me? cluster!@&^. he don't get it. then he breezes into town with said perfect wife and wants to talk. cool, i can do that. it would give us a chance to clear the air fro good. what does he do? he brings his wife! he met her years after the incident and she had nothing to do with it. it thought it was so inappropriate for he to be there. she was polite (curt), had nothing to add to the discussion. the boredom, frustration and annoyance showed on her face. i unwitting tried to put myself in her place, hell, in both of their places. and i did decide that if the roles were reversed, as the wife, i would have stayed the hell home and let the two people involved work it out. And if i were him, i would have insisted that she stay home since there was no threat of impropriety there
she seems like a nice person. i don't know and i don't care. yeah, really, i don't care - there is nothing there. but him...i really want to know what he was thinking by having her there. I felt like he should have manned up and faced me on his own. but its over now and i never have to see him again. and i will run a flag up the pole when his father passes into the great beyond for racist bastards.
all in all  yesterdays meeting was a waste of time for me only good for a few superficial things. he commented that he was not a sixteen year old boy any more. i said that i wasn't a sixteen year old girl any more either. that's when the gloves should have come off and i think they would have for me if ol' girl wasn't sitting there with us.
well, just another lesson learned about things that affect me and my life usually means nothing to someone else. I have learned from that experience thirty-seven years ago to make every effort not to be careless with the feelings of others. i also learned that well meaning people (insert Mennonite here) have agendas that are not as well thought out as they should be. the kindness of strangers many times should come with a warning label and disclaimers.

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