Monday, August 9, 2010

...and I can't fight this feeling anymore...

The Problem of Billy   

 As much as I think it should bother me about how I have been feeling lately, well, it does not. I have been feeling really good lately and for no reason to other than I think is contentment. I finally think I got Billy, yeah that's what I'll call him, Billy. It gave me a great deal of pleasure to get Billy out of my life. He is the sort of man that if you let him into your life, it is a major undertaking to get him the hell out. He is a nice enough chap i suppose but he is as dumb as a brick and not shy about letting you know he's an idiot in the onset.

     I never intended to become involved with a guy like Billy in the first place and I had vowed I never would. That's why it was so devastating when I realized that I had fallen into a trap of bullshit and deception. I hate being deceived just as much as the rest of them. This was something all together different. I have told this story many times so it is time to write it down and get it out of my system as much as I can.

     Last year, when I had erroneously decided that I needed to be back in California because I got pissed off and frustrated at a couple of things and thought I was better than this place, I got together with Billy. It was less than a week before I was to get on the train and travel west to San Diego. Just a few boxes remaining that had to be shipped and I was nearing the end of my rope, stressed and tired. I thought it would be nice to get together with some of the guys I used to work with for drinks or something. Well as you would imagine, everyone I called didn't answer and didn't call back, which I was prepared for. It is one thing to pal around with the likes of me at work but it is another to be seen in a bar with a chubby, little, aging black lady with a big mouth. So be it. I waited until last to call Billy as I knew what kind of luck I have and figured he would be the one to answer. My fears were confirmed when he said hello. So thinking I had nothing to loose and I wasn't looking for a relationship or sex for that matter, I took a taxi out to his place for some drinks. This is a good time to back up and explain the type of relationship I had with Billy prior to this.

     Billy and I worked for the same company but not  in the same building. He would have to make several trips a day up to our building to bring his product to the store. I noticed that each time I would see him and actually engaged in a conversation, he could be long-winded and the conversation could get a little weird at times. I equated it to the fact that he seemed like an old hippie and the drugs kind of tossed his brains a bit. Which turned out to be closer to the truth than I could deal with. I knew he smoked the cigaweed cause damn near everyone who worked there smoked, drank or abused one mind altering substance or another in order to deal with being a service person in a college town in the mid-west. So I was a little forgiving of his attempt to connect with me when he mentioned Tina Turner's coochie. Besides, it made the guys in the kitchen laugh uncontrollably for about five minutes when I told them what he said on the subject. Other than that, I didn't have any real contact with Billy. Oh, there was more than a few times that I thought it might be nice to go out for a drink after work with him since we were the only co-workers close to the same age. But something kept stopping me. At the time I thought it was because I didn't want to be the aggressor because that is usually what starts things going down the wrong path. Or more to the point, I thought that a guy that friendly would at least make some kind of move if he was single and interested. So logically, I figured he really wasn't interested, was gay or had a hippie chick at home the he was devoted too. He didn't seem shy since he talked to me all the time and even broached the subject of Ike's wife's va-jay-jay. I would later figure out that he was just lazy. I knew he drink a bit since there were several times that I would pass him on the street when he was swinging around the corner coming from The Mill, drunk as hell. Missed that cue too. One late after noon in particular Samantha and I were walking to my apartment and there was Billy swinging around the corner by the bank. We just happened to be on the same side of the street which was unusual. When I said hello to him he began to regale us with his escapades of the afternoon. After I introduced him to my daughter, her proceeded to tell her what a wonderful person and mother I was and how beautiful we both were. I just figured the man was feeling his liquor and having a good time. It did flash through my mind to invite him up to my place so I could talk to him more, but this was one of the last times I would get to spend with my daughter so I let the opportunity pass. Not to mention the fact that he was going on and on which made it difficult to get away. be continued

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